Shit again!!!!!!!!

After the crazy life (lost heart to love), I am have 2 year didn't have girlfriend. That is because I afraid to giving love anymore.
Until I fall in love when I see her at the first time. I know her through online. We decide to meet each other. That is the first time we meet each other. She is more beauty than the picture in the Friendster.
After the first date, we always come out together. I didn't spoke out my feeling to her because she has a boyfriend. But the relation between them is worst. They always argue. I am just a listener foe her. I know she loves him so much. I am sad.
But, one day, her friend told me, she also love me, but don't know how to choose. i suddenly feel angel still around me. So, I go to find her. I saw the guy ask her forgive and purpose to her. She was touch and accept him. I stand at a place they cannot saw me. I feel dark and cold. What I see is black and white.
I having a shit again. I am curse by someone. I cannot happiness. I alone. I am hopeless. because I lost the courage to having a LOVE.